In my past life


The folowing is the first in a series of anecdotes from my past.

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George?

 So there I am, a 26 year old stripper, new to Los Angeles, in Trader Vic’s restaurant, on a date with Hollywood icon Tony Curtis.

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As a huge fan of classic films, I am enraptured by the story Tony is in the middle of telling me, when he notices his buddy George enter the room. The huge silver bowl of lychee nuts we ordered for dessert had just arrived when Tony suggests that we go and say hello to George. Now I had been out with Tony often enough to know that, in Hollywood, the dinner table protocol is the least famous goes to the table of the more famous person. As we start over, I am mentally going through all the famous Georges I can, never landing on one more famous than Tony Curtis. We get closer to a table where two quite elderly men are seated and I am placed between Tony and George and offered a drink. A while into their conversation, I notice George looking at my chest, then he leans across me and tells Tony, in a stage whisper, ‘you lucky bastard, looks like you nabbed the last real pair in Hollywood.’ After the laughter died down, I spoke for the first time and asked George if he was jealous, to which he smiled and nodded sheepishly. So I gently put my hand on the back of his head and pulled his face into my bosom and asked, better now? When I looked down, there was George Burns with the biggest shit eating grin i’d ever seen.

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It’s my birthday!


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My blog turned 4 today! A lot has happened since 2011. I’ve written on a variety of topics, moved across country, taken a long hiatus, almost died and gotten engaged. On this occasion, I want to take the opportunity to thank all of you who follow me as well as those who read me occasionally, or just once. I never thought anyone would be interested.

Today is your celebration, so grab a slice of cake, guilt free and party.

Bad atheist?


My fellow non-believers, do you sometimesfind yourself using phrases like, for gods sake, or oh my god? I do, in fact, I just hd a conversation in which I said, bless their hearts, oh my god and for Christs sake and now I find myself trying desperately to come up secular replacement phrases cause I feel dirty giving even a tiny bit of credence to the idea of a deity. Do any of you ever feel this way? Does this make me a bad atheist? Or is hs just indicative of how much god/religion have seeped into everyday language?

I will leave you with a giggle. Why do atheists say ,oh my god? Because that’s what you say when something is unbelievable.

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Does size matter?


Relax gentlemen, this one is not about you.

No, this one is for the ladies with body issues. How do you feel when you herar yourself referred to as plus sized? The truth is if you are a size 10 o more, you are. Does it make you depressed,make you feel ugly or unattractive? How about unworthy? If you answered yes, or were even made to think about your response, I want you to look a the following pictures of gorgeous women who are plus sized models and feel a little better. Just remember, these women get well paid o look like they do

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IMG_20151021_162816     IMG_20151021_162706

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IMG_20151021_162134     IMG_20151021_162111

IMG_20151021_162003     IMG_20151021_162532

I hope this made you feel better, I know I do

Getting to know you


As most of you know, I moved to British Columbia about two and a half years ago and began working retail in a hotel. While I became friendly with a lot of people, I really only made 1 friend (other than my fiance). Her name is Roz and she has been wonderful about coming to see me in hospital on her days off. During these visits, we have gotten to know a lot more about each other’s pasts. I was shocked to be shown a music video in which Roz sings a cover version of Kate Bush’s song, Wuthering Heights. I have loved this song since 1980 when I heard Pat Benetar sing it on her album, Crimes of Passion (this is my favorite version of the song). Roz was surprised that I knew the song. The video was shot 10 years ago in England for next to nothing. Interesting point about the setting, it takes place at the same cemetery in which Emily Bronte, the author of the book Wuthering Heights is buried.

ithout further adieu, here is my friend, the leggy blonde, Roz doing her best Kate Bush and wonderfully.

*you may have to click the video player twice to get it to play

This woman’s right to vote


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I was really looking forward to voting in this year’s federal election on Monday. I t would be first time in over 20 years, as I had been living ou of country since 1992. I did my research, informed myself on the candidates and their plans for the country and came to, what I thought was the best decision. Then,I get put into hospital, but in Canada, elections Canada ae supposed to come to you early and take your vote, just like they do for inmates in prison. Because in Canada, we ALL have the right to vote.

Apparently this is not quite so. Elections Canada came to the hospital several days ago and were on my floor (neurological care) Mine was not the only room they skipped. I called them yesterday to find out why. A half assed apology was mumbled along with a promise that they would send someone in the afternoon. They didn’t. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I am on the neurology floor among some very confused people, so they just didn’t bother. Or, perhaps they were just lazy.

Long hospital stays are frustrating, between nurses not listening, your wishes not being honoured ( I will not take sleeping pills. I found out that one nurse had been giving them to me behind my back), having no privacy and now having one of my fundamental rights taken away for no good reason, you can see why it might be harder to smile.

I’ll finish this up by wishing Elizabeth May and the green party the best of luck in pulling a historical upset and beating the big boys. I’m only sorry that my vote was never taken in to be counted.

Better than Botox


I recently found an anti- aging treatment and weight loss spa that really works… and it’s free!

Before you all go rushing off to join up, there is a catch. First you must have a stroke, followed by a long hospital stay with a feeding tube for a month, then a  gross pureed diet for a few more weeks and an even more disgusting minced diet to cap it all off. If you can’t lose weight on hospital food, you’re just not trying.

I hear you saying, that seems like a lot of time and effort, what are the results? The paralysis from the stroke erases lines from your face making you look like a teenager with a bit of a gimpy mouth.

Here is my 50-year-old face after…

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Plus I have lost approximately 25 pounds so far!

Every storm cloud may have a silver lining, but do NOT try this at home!

Logic vs, nonsense


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I just finished watching a very interesting conversation between Neil deGrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins on youtube. Early on, Tyson makes the point that humans aren’t wired to think logically, citing the example that the school subject that most of us have trouble with is math. I see myself as a very logical person. Then I began dissecting that belief. Apparently my illogical brain is not only there, but dangerous.

I am a sucker for a cat, from tiny kittens to big wild cats. Emotionally, I become a 2-year-old wanting to pet the kitty. The best example of this occurred several years back. There was a fully grown wild cougar wandering around the cul-de sac at the end of my street and 99% of me wanted to get some meat and go feed the poor kitty. It was an almost impossible urge to fight.I can’t tell you how hard the remaining 1 % had to work to keep me indoors.

Then again, when it comes to the problems of others, I am all logic, immediately able to cut through the bullshit and find the best solution.

I was never adept at math.The sciences interested me, but math kept me out, so I became more of a wordsmith. Although as I always strive to communicate logically, I do fail more often than i’d like.

It was an interesting exercise, looking honestly at just how often nonsense wins over logic in my life, if a wee bit scary. I encourage you to give it a try.

How two blonde sex symbols spawned Olivia Benson.


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Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson

For this story of irony and ever changing times we need to travel way back in time to 1893. Before the invention of television and feminism when a prolific entertainer was born. Mary Jane West (aka Mae) came into the world on August 17th of that year embarking on a journey that would change the face of American entertainment for 70 plus years. Mae West was multi-talented as a writer, producer, director, actress and perhaps the first self-made sex symbols of her time.

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Mae West

Ms. West famously gave actors Cary Grant and Arnold Schwarzenegger their starts, and not so famously gave a blonde beauty named Jayne a very important introduction to her future husband, Mickey

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Jayne Mansfield

In 1956, Mae had a show in th Latin Quarter of New York in which she surrounded herself with body builders, one of whom was Mickey Hargitay. One night Jayne Mansfield was in the audience when her waiter asked what she would like, taking a page from Mae West, she responded, ‘a steak and the tall man on the left.’

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Jayne and Mickey

A year later, they were married. In 1964, along came Mariska, unfortunately, later the same year, her parents divorced. Only 3 years later, Mariska and her 2 brothers were asleep in the back seat of the now infamous car in which her mother died.

Raised by her father, Mariska’s life went a little differently than her mother’s. She began her career as a beauty queen, competing in 2 pageants before joining the Groundling theatre to begin her acting career. Likely because of her mother Mariska never really went after the sexy girl roles, instead, after quite a few small parts, landing the role of Olivia Benson on Law and Order SVU through which she founded Joyful Heart Foundation where she helps survivors of domestic abuse, child abuse and sexual abuse. Somehow, I think her mother would have been proud.

How Castro helped a porn star


I found this story fascinating.One of my favourite disco songs is More More More by the Andrea True Connection. I heard it on a commercial today and decided to do a bit of research. It turns out that Ms. True was a porn star in New York in the 1970s, as well as a singer of commercial jingles. in 1975, she was in Jamaica doing a commercial when she found out that th U.S had sanctioned Jamaica making it illegal for anyone to leve the country with money earned there because their new president , Michael Manley supported Fidel Castro. Ms. True decided to find a loophole. She had written the lyrics to a song about her time in porn. All she needed was music and a recording studio. So she called her friend Gregg Diamond to travel to Jamaica to collaborate. Together they wrote More, More, More. She took the money from her ad and financed a demo in Jamaica, then took the demo tho the U.S.where it was released and the rest is history.

The song remains in the public ear 40 years later still earning residual money for Ms True’s estate. I believe this makes Andrea True the first porn star to garner entertainment success with her clothes on. This also makes her a great business woman.