I need to cut myself some slack.

Three celebrities about who’s health I’ve blogged ( Luke Perry, Emilia Clarke and Mick Jagger each had something life threatening that I’ve had except I’ve had all three things happen and had them all in the same time frame. The order for me was massive stroke, open heart bypass surgery 3 weeks later, and 6 cerebral aneurysms currently growing in my brain that were a delayed response to the stroke, 3 years later.

I’m way too hard on myself. I’ve been telling myself that I have such a long way to go with my recovery, never seeing how far I’ve come. Until those 3 posts made me realize my own strength of body and of mind. Today marks week 3 of exercising 4 days a week 45 minutes each day and I ended the day by chastising myself because I could only climb and decend 21 steps and I had planned to add 7 steps, but I just couldn’t do it.

I’ve never been an athlete. I’m not training for anything. There’s no practicing dance routines. No deadline exists, that I’m aware of. But here I am, obsessing over not being able to add 7 bloody steps. Oh I will be trying to add those steps tomorrow, but if I lack the required stamina again, instead of self admonishment I vow to try my very best to let it go.

I’ve been waiting and worrying over any news of recent heart valve replacement surgery. Every time I clicked on another article that quotes from Mick Jagger’s twitter account, that I, of course, follow and check each morning. This morning the most recent tweet finally changed to this.

“Thank you everyone for all your messages of support. I’m feeling much better now and on the mend- and also a huge thank you to all the hospital staff for doing a superb job ”

At last I could exhale. My heart could relax. This was the news about the health of a celebrity about whom I care. And he was having heart surgery, something I know about, first hand. But, lucky for him he was having minimally invasive heart surgery.

The surgery I underwent was maximally invasive, involving cracking open my sternum and cutting a hole in my heart big enough to remove a large tumor, then patching the hole with an actual patch ( guaranteed to last 100 years ) 💯. My zipper scar is long and is proof of my strength.

I still think of the scar as a sexy line that enhances my ample cleavage. Ironically, it’s mostly women commenting on it.

While I’m a little sad that we won’t have a scar in common, I’m more than thrilled if a wee bit jealous that his recovery will be quick and relatively pain free.

Note to Jagger, you’ll be playing with the kids and grandkids and the boys in the band in no time. 😉

Who would have thought that this is the guy in the band who doesn’t have the bum ticker.

Just a few days ago actress Emilia Clarke told the world that she is indeed a strong and hardworking woman by mentioning that she survived 2 life threatening cerebral aneurysms. While I’m very happy to hear that she survived the brain surgery , I’m more than a little jealous that her aneurysms were operable. I know how painful the migraine headaches are among other worrisome issues that come with cerebral aneurysms and it couldn’t have been easy working through the dizziness and pain without having it show on her face.

Meanwhile, here I sit with my 6 inoperable cerebral aneurysms , pushing through the best I can.

Last week, I began a new morning routine and changed my 3 days a week, 2 hours each day of help, focusing on getting ready for the day to 4 days a week 1 hour a day focusing on exercise. I’ve been improving. Today I went up and down 21 steps and walked approximately 200 meters . Next week I plan to climb 28 steps and walk farther, assuming that one of my 6 aneurysms doesn’t pop an important blood vessel and kill me or worse. Oh,and by the way, all cerebral aneurysms are life threatening if only quality of life.