I’ve posted on this topic before but it didn’t really give you, the reader the feeling of having a paralyzed body part. The way that the paralyzed part feels much heavier than before and the frustration of not being able to move it as easy as before paralysis. I’ve found that the sensation of being touched on my paralyzed side feels dulled and somehow electrified, almost like a dulled down pins and needles on my skin. It’s just as uncomfortable as it sounds. Now, for the experiment that will allow you, my gentle readers, a fleeting glimpse inside the body of a paralyzed person. WARNING! YOU MAY FEEL EMPATHY! If you’re unfamiliar with this feeling, don’t worry, it won’t hurt.

There are 2 types of paralysis the one that most affects me is spastic paralysis. What this means is the muscles of the paralyzed limb, specifically my left arm will constantly spasm. The only medication I take for this is a muscle relaxant and I take 10mgs twice daily, one with breakfast and one with dinner. The muscle relaxant stops the spasms and allows me to straighten my arm ,the muscles of which are in a constant state of firing As for my other paralyzed limb,my left leg, it still feels pins and needles type of issues and the forementioned electricity. Now an experiment that will allow you to understand what spastic paralysis feels like. Place one hand face down on a hard surface, making sure your fingers aren’t bent, now lift your ring finger up off the surface. You won’t be able to do it no matter how hard you try. That’s how my left arm, hand and fingers feel ALL THE TIME!

Another thing that I forgot to mention is how heavy a paralyzed limb feels. I’ll use the leg as an example here. Imagine that you’re in a relatively shallow pool of water, let’s say 4 feet deep, and you’re walking on the floor of the pool. Your legs get quite a workout because not only are you submerged, but the water is working against you. Now imagine the same scenario, but only one leg is in the water. The leg that is under water is what my paralyzed leg feels like, slow and heavy even on land. Because it’s just the one leg that is affected, you can see why it’s so difficult to walk.

I hope that this gives you a better understanding of what the last 7 years has been like for me physically. Once you’ve gotten your head around this, now imagine being told that it’s permanent after 6 years plus,and you’ll begin to see how I’m feeling emotionally. Mostly anger and disappointment. But both feelings are slowly ebbing, if only because it’s been 6 months since getting the news about my paralysis being permanent, and time allegedly heals, at least the emotional wounds.