Confession: I love being alone

I am single. It’s not sad. It’s not anything to be pitied. I love being single. More than that, I love being alone. I don’t understand why it is that people think this is such a horrible fate. When I am asked if I’m married and the person hears the answer is no, the response is invariably something along the lines of, “Well, don’t worry, you’ll find someone.” I have news for you. I’m not worried, and even more radically, I don’t want to find someone.

No I am not depressed. No I am not lonely. No I am not bitter. No I don’t sit around all day crying. I am living MY life the way I PREFER to live it… by myself.

I like only taking care of myself. I like a life without arguments or compromises. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I like travelling alone. I like going to the movies alone. I even like eating at a restaurant alone.

I have tried marriage. It doesn’t work for me. Before you ask, ‘What about love?’  That’s what my family is for. I hear you thinking, ‘What do you do about sex?’ Not that it’s any of your business, but I prefer doing that alone too. (at least I know the job will be done well). As for companionship, I have relatively no need for company… other people just mess things up. Conversation is wonderful when it’s intelligent and productive, which, sadly, is rare and preferably done over the phone or online.

For me being alone does not equate to being lonely. Being alone equates to being free.

15 responses to “Confession: I love being alone

  1. Amen, sister. I can do either. I like being single but relationships are all right too, I guess. I’m not really dating anyone right now–talking to someone I suppose, but some of my friends act like it’s the end of the world. In my opinion they’re just jealous. They are all in relationships that don’t seem all that appealing to me, anyway. I’m not THAT girl. I don’t need a man (or woman) in my life at all times. I come and go as I please and do what I want, when I want. I don’t have to take care of anyone and I like it.

  2. Fabulous! I’m single, too, and while I do want a relationship, I get very tired of the “don’t worry, you won’t be alone forever” speech from married friends. They mean well, I know, but it usually ends up sounding condescending. There is much to be valued about the single life!

  3. I don’t want to be alone, although I seem to make every effort to remain alone these days. I don’t relate well to 95% of people.

    I couldn’t eat alone at a restaurant, a sit down meal is one to be shared IMHO. I sometimes eat at the local pub on my own, but I sit at the bar and talk to others.

    I do what I want when I want to do it, but something is missing. There’s a hole in my life that I want to fill. If you don’t feel that way I’m jealous.

  4. When I met my boyfriend, I was like, “DAMN it.” I was really happy alone.

    Even though we’ve been together for years now, I keep having fantasies about a studio apartment alone. I never saw myself as being with anyone long term. Ever. No marriage, no kids.

    I’m totally with you on the loving men in with lipstick and dressing up.

  5. Good for you… some people spend their entire lives trying to figure out what makes them happy and never do. I’m happily married, but it’s because of the person, not the institution. If something should happen to the love of my life, I would see no need to run out and remarry.

    In the end, everyone is alone. That freaks some people out, but I think everyone should enjoy their own company. Alone does not equal lonely.

  6. I found your post after a google search on loving to be alone. I’ve been feeling like a freak lately, not because I actually think that there’s something wrong with me, but society seems to want me to think there is. I love being alone. I once read somewhere that people who say this are lying. Well, my apologies to them, but I’m not.
    I honestly cannot understand it when people start saying things like “I NEED someone, I can’t stand being alone anymore”. It makes me wonder, do they not like themselves? Are they so boring that they can’t keep themselves entertained? I always find a million interesting things to do by myself, and I love my own company (call me a narcissist haha!). Most of my friends are serial monogamists and can’t seem to understand how I can survive without a man (although they claim to be feminists… I find it kind of sad).
    Worse than that, to me, are those people who start a relationship with someone they don’t even like that much, just for the sake of not being alone. Really? I need my free time and I appreciate my independece so much that being with someone under those conditions would be torturous and feel like a useless obligation.

    I’m different than you are regarding some aspects though. I have a somewhat large group of friends and I love to hang out with them. I need a lot of “me” time but I also spend a lot of time with my friends. It has been suggested to me that if my friends weren’t as numerous or available (because, truth be told, I pretty much always have someone to go to an event with, etc.) I would probably feel lonely and think differently. Agreed… To an extent. I’m averse to relationships in general. It’s really hard for me after being single for so long, having to answer to someone (which you always do to a degree). It’s hard for me to find a way to include someone else in my day to day life. And I don’t need the drama. Plus, I think we live in a world were people don’t have values anymore, and for someone who is a big fan of fidelity and stuff, it’s hard to actually trust someone.
    I would eventually like to fall in love (with someone who loves me back, obviously), but no matter how lonely I may eventually feel I don’t see myself being in a relationship “just because”. What a lack of self-value!
    Anyway, I don’t see it happening (feeling lonely, that is). I’ve been alone for almost 5 years now and I seem to enjoy it more and more. I always write too much, but I just wanted to thank you for making me feel less of a freak. Although rationally I don’t think I am one!
    As for the sex part… Amen, sister!!! I have yet to experience an orgasm. From a man, that is 😉

  7. I love being alone, and now that I know all you other folks who also like being alone…I guess I really am not alone..lol. Go figure! I had a live in boyfriend for 1 year—I couldn’t wait for him to go out with his friends. I like chillaxin,in my lounge wear, reading, playing my music, gaming, thinking, cleaning, heck half the time I don’t even answer my phone when people do call…so now few people call, which is great cause now I don’t have to make up excuses why I didn’t answer or call back! I never understood why this bothers people,but it does. Oh well, how can I explain that when I am alone that it is the only time I am truly relaxed and not feeling like I am “on stage”? I love my own company best of all…period.

  8. This.
    This is frickin’ great. I love love love my solitude. Unfortunately I rent a room in my ex-boyfriend’s house. He and his father are always in my face. I love the holidays because that means they leave the house. Last Thanksgiving I had the pleasure of being completely alone! So I ordered carry out from a diner and proudly proclaimed that I was having a marvolous time by myself. The cook said “I hope things get better for you” which was confusing. The waiter rang me up and simply said “I dont get why people think being alone is such a bad thing.” thats one of the last times I truly connected with someone.
    In anycase I’m getting extremely desperate about finding a studio apartment where I can be alone and live in a clean, small, peaceful place. My job doesnt pay very well. When I say desperate, I mean I’m working on a “business transaction” with a wealthy, old man in exchange for paying for my very own apartment. I feel disgusted with myself, but fuck, I need my solitude more than my dignity. Thats what whiskey is for.

  9. I LOVE being alone. Funny thing is that up til my 30’s I was as codependent as you can get. For the last 15 years that I’ve been living on my own, I gained a whole new love and respect for myself and life. As I see it, I spend a big enough portion of my life having to think of others for my work. I don’t want to think about ANYBODY on my time off away from people.

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