I’m Cleopatra

Queen of denial. I’m also a perfectionist who hyper focuses on imperfections. However, I learn from the mistakes of others. And like a shark, I constantly move forward with less and less care about the opinions of others, and I’ve never really cared about that to begin with. I’m a person who craves change but rarely gets it in the form in which I crave. I’m a mess of negative thoughts inwardly, but I have a positive outlook . The most stressful moment of my life was just after the stroke from which I nearly died. While spending 6 months in hospital. It took me a little more than 3 months to realize that I couldn’t dress myself, and I cried for 5 minutes, and then I got back to working on improving. It took me at least 6 years to accept the fact that my paralysis is permanent, and yet I’m still trying to improve.

What makes me most anxious is the possibility of becoming more disabled than just being paralyzed down my left side. My eyesight has never been good, but what if I go blind? How will I be able to do anything with even a miniscule amount of independence? Won’t be able to drive my wheelchair to the bathroom or anywhere else for that matter. What if the 5 aneurysms in my brain all burst at once, and I become mentally impaired along with my paralysis. These are the thoughts I put into compartments in the back of my head and just push forward past. Because I can’t accept a reality where there’s no way to improve.

It sounds as if I’m either crazy or strong or both.