What was the best compliment you’ve received?

That it has nothing to do with my looks.

The best compliment I ever received was this past summer when I had tea with my mother and my husband at the fancy hotel we both used to work in. The owner of the art gallery in the hotel said that I’m determined and tenacious. Ironically, I’ve not thought of myself that way until he said it,but it’s definitely true.

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?

If, for example, it’s Monaco and I have a full charge, I might just use my wheelchair.

But assuming you mean the country in which I reside, as it’s the second largest country on earth, and I can’t drive any vehicle other than my wheelchair nor can I ride a bike. Also, I get motion sickness on anything that isn’t a smooth ride, so that means no train ,even if it is wheelchair accessible. So I guess it’s a plane for me. That works out well because I sleep very well on planes. I curl up in the fetal position with the pillow they give you between my head and the window, and as soon as the engines roar to life, I pass out. I’ve been this way for all my life.

How would you rate your confidence level?

I know who I am, and I’m comfortable in my own skin … personality wise. Physically, I’m less comfortable, but it’s only because of the effects of my stroke leaving my face with some mild paralysis and my left ankle with some medium paralysis and my left arm with spastic paralysis. Spastic paralysis is where my muscles are in a constant state of fire. Imagine that the muscles of your arm are always flexed. It’s exhausting, and I take a strong muscle relaxant in order to combat this situation, which allows me to be able to sleep without my muscles going into spasms .

Writing about this is proof that my confidence level is pretty high.

What makes you most anxious?

Queen of denial. I’m also a perfectionist who hyper focuses on imperfections. However, I learn from the mistakes of others. And like a shark, I constantly move forward with less and less care about the opinions of others, and I’ve never really cared about that to begin with. I’m a person who craves change but rarely gets it in the form in which I crave. I’m a mess of negative thoughts inwardly, but I have a positive outlook . The most stressful moment of my life was just after the stroke from which I nearly died. While spending 6 months in hospital. It took me a little more than 3 months to realize that I couldn’t dress myself, and I cried for 5 minutes, and then I got back to working on improving. It took me at least 6 years to accept the fact that my paralysis is permanent, and yet I’m still trying to improve.

What makes me most anxious is the possibility of becoming more disabled than just being paralyzed down my left side. My eyesight has never been good, but what if I go blind? How will I be able to do anything with even a miniscule amount of independence? Won’t be able to drive my wheelchair to the bathroom or anywhere else for that matter. What if the 5 aneurysms in my brain all burst at once, and I become mentally impaired along with my paralysis. These are the thoughts I put into compartments in the back of my head and just push forward past. Because I can’t accept a reality where there’s no way to improve.

It sounds as if I’m either crazy or strong or both.

Are you superstitious?

I don’t believe in anything that can’t be proven,not god ,the devil, nor good or bad talismans. I will step on cracks and lines. I’ve owned and will likely own black cats. I understand that life has no order other than what we humans attempt to place upon it. It’s a very freeing way to live. When something bad happens to me, I don’t look to place blame. I try to live in the solution. Which is why, 10 years after suffering a massive stroke caused by a tumor in my heart, I’m still trying to achieve my dream of walking around the block. It’s called tenacity.

Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?

I’ve responded to this type of prompt before, so if you’ve been with me for a while, you know I relate most to cats over all.  I’m physically flexible.  At least half of my body is. I enjoy cuddling, and because I can’t make my own food, I enjoy being fed. If the food takes too long, I’ll complain. Unfortunately, I don’t sleep half of my life away, but when I do sleep, I sleep deeply. And if petted, I’ll purr. I startle easily and don’t like being woken up. I will interrupt you when you’re trying to focus on something. And I’m always holding a foam cat toy because it’s helpful for my paralyzed hand.

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

I’m definitely not going to live to 100, nor do I want to. It’s hard enough to be 4 months away from 60 and deal with permanent paralysis. It’s not going to get better with time .I’m a realist. My big dream is to walk around the block, and at this point, I don’t see it happening anytime soon, but I’m still trying to walk more than 30 steps forward and 30 steps back without my AFO brace. If my husband wasn’t worried about being clumsy, we could try walking together with my brace on and with me holding his arm. It seems like a romantic dream. I hope it happens one day. But there is no way I’m trying to live another 40 years and anyone who wishes that for me is someone who either wants to torture me or someone who’s lucky enough not to understand what it’s like to be paralyzed.

It is possible to live too long, and there are things worse than death.