Month: November 2024

Only three

What podcasts are you listening to?

I’m pretty old, so I remember when radio was a thing. I never enjoyed talk radio, that was for older people than me. Now, I’m finding myself enjoying a podcast or three for over an hour, so I guess my attention span has gotten better. I really enjoy listening to Joanna Coles and Samantha Bee on the Daily Beast when the topic interests me, which it does more often than not.

I’m also a fan of the Pod Save America guys, especially the challenges with Brian Tyler Cohen. They’re a lot of fun.

The podcast I look forward to is The Bald and the Beautiful, hosted by drag royalty, Trixie Mattel, and Katya Zamolodchicova, otherwise known as the two Brian’s. Not only are they hilarious, but they also take on more serious topics as well and with aplomb. These two give me the laughter that I require so I don’t lose my mind.  It’s particularly nice because the conversation feels so relaxed.

It was an easy decision, but it’s so hard to get over

The first person that I was close to who died was my grandmother’s second husband. He died from stomach cancer when I was in my early 20s. He was a big man who had lost a lot of weight and was very thin by the time he entered the hospital. I visited him frequently and saw firsthand the pain that accompanied stomach cancer.

When Graham was diagnosed recently, the memory of that pain was the first thing to hit me, and I heard myself saying it’s time to let him go. The last thing I wanted was to allow another living being to experience so much pain. It would have been the height of selfishness to have even one more night with him.

I miss him terribly, but that’s my accountability, and I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is watching someone else go through cancer, shrinking them down to nothing ,watching their light dimming . I guess that’s selfish, too.

It turns out that while I’m perfectly fine with my own death, I’m not nearly fine with the death of others that I care about. Especially when it’s someone who gave me so much love and sweetness and never asked anything in return. From the beginning, Graham seemed to understand my disability. He would knead me, but only on my paralyzed leg. I still have a few scars that look like pin pricks. I cherish those scars.

Earlier today, I was rolling down the hallway into the living room, and I saw his favorite mouse toy, and I couldn’t help but tear up.

Full disclosure, I’ve been writing this post with tears streaming down my face. I’ve lost other animals throughout my life, but losing Graham hurts more. I think it’s because he had to go before we expected. He was only 8 years old. He really was the best boy.

This will be the last time that I post about Graham, and I’ll leave you with my favorite photo of my perfect little big man.

Need?

Do you need time?

Depends on what you mean. I need time to do my hair and makeup. I need time to make it to the bathroom. I need time to transfer from my wheelchair to the car. I need time to answer the door. I need time to mourn the loss of my cat, Graham.

Do I need more time on the planet? I’m fine if I live to be 80. I’m fine if I die tomorrow.

I don’t fear death. Possibly because I’ve already lived so much of life. Possibly because life has gotten so frustrating to live. Or possibly because I know it’s inevitable. No one gets out alive.

Youtu.be is where I spend the most of my time

What are your favorite websites?

I follow quite a few channels with varying topics, from news to animals to cars to beauty and fashion . Also, if I need instruction on a topic, youtu.be is always there with a tutorial. I also like Wikipedia, Shazam, and Pogo for games. I’m not a gamer, but I enjoy exercising my mind with different types of games, and Pogo gives me all the games I need for a very good price. Of course, nothing beats WordPress and Jetpack for my blogging needs. I quit all of the social media platforms except Facebook, and I rarely post there, I use it to keep up with people I actually know.

The two years before my stroke

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

Also known as the first 2 years of my relationship with my husband. We had the best couple of years as a couple in love ❤️. My mind travels back there often.

But the one day I wouldn’t want to relive is yesterday. I’m still in pain from losing Graham, and then around 4 a.m., this morning, I suffered a bout of colitis . Thankfully, it was a milder attack, but colitis is never easy . Also, thankfully,a hospital visit was NOT NECESSARY. Probably brought on by the stress of the day.

I really miss Graham today 😪