The first person that I was close to who died was my grandmother’s second husband. He died from stomach cancer when I was in my early 20s. He was a big man who had lost a lot of weight and was very thin by the time he entered the hospital. I visited him frequently and saw firsthand the pain that accompanied stomach cancer.
When Graham was diagnosed recently, the memory of that pain was the first thing to hit me, and I heard myself saying it’s time to let him go. The last thing I wanted was to allow another living being to experience so much pain. It would have been the height of selfishness to have even one more night with him.
I miss him terribly, but that’s my accountability, and I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is watching someone else go through cancer, shrinking them down to nothing ,watching their light dimming . I guess that’s selfish, too.
It turns out that while I’m perfectly fine with my own death, I’m not nearly fine with the death of others that I care about. Especially when it’s someone who gave me so much love and sweetness and never asked anything in return. From the beginning, Graham seemed to understand my disability. He would knead me, but only on my paralyzed leg. I still have a few scars that look like pin pricks. I cherish those scars.
Earlier today, I was rolling down the hallway into the living room, and I saw his favorite mouse toy, and I couldn’t help but tear up.
Full disclosure, I’ve been writing this post with tears streaming down my face. I’ve lost other animals throughout my life, but losing Graham hurts more. I think it’s because he had to go before we expected. He was only 8 years old. He really was the best boy.
This will be the last time that I post about Graham, and I’ll leave you with my favorite photo of my perfect little big man.
Hope you are ok. These animals care more about us than their own pain. They give and give. We are fortunate to look after them. Have a great day today 💙
Thank you, Barney. I’ll be okay with time.
<3 Hug.
❤️
Since the late 1960s I have been a career Anthropologist, teaching college. In 1974 I developed my Area of Concentration, Thanatology (the study of Death & Dying) and to this day write extensively on it. Reading your column I continuously thought — I hope as many people see this as possible. I would most certainly have asked you to be a guest speaker in my university classes. Marco
Marco M. Pardi
Thank you for such a great compliment, Marco. I’m honored to see it.
Graham’s memory and the story of the impact he had on your life will live on.
Through your memories and in the minds of all who knew about him, including us. He teaches that even though our lives may not be long-lived, they are meaningful, and we can have a real impact on others’ lives. Even if we’ve never seen or met before. Thanks for Sharing and don’t feel like you have to never bring it up again. It’s your blog and you can write about whatever you want. I’m praying for your strength and resilience during this difficult time. –Daniel
Thanks, Daniel. ❤️
Graham looks soooooo soft and fluffy.
He was.