I have no regrets about the way I have chosen to live my life. I did the best I could with the information I had at any given time. However, lately I have been thinking about what I would change if I could do it over again, knowing what I know now.


For starters, I would not smoke. The money I could have saved over the course of 33 years of smoking would have been enough to buy an apartment, or a small house. Not to mention the toll it has taken on my body.


I would never set foot into a tanning bed. I spent a LOT of time during my 20s in tanning beds because they were supposed to be safer than going out into the sun, and it was the 1980s and having tanned skin was all the rage. After having melanoma cancer that can only be linked to my tanning bed days, I can honestly say they are NOT safer than the sun. I would chose to remain alabaster from head to toe and save myself, not only the cancer, but the wrinkles and other UV damage as well.

fitting in

I would not waste so much of my childhood and teen years trying to fit in with the cool kids. I never succeeded in becoming one of them anyway, and now that I am a grown up nerd I realize that being different is what makes me interesting.


I would not waste one second worrying about what other people said or thought about me. I would stand up for myself instead of letting the bullies get to me and turn inward.


I would spend more time immersed in books (not that I wasn’t a voracious reader). Books that could teach me something instead of books that let me escape. I would love school unabashedly (with the exception of gym class) and proudly sit in the front of the classroom soaking it all in. I would go to university and get at least one degree. I would explore the varied interests in my life scholastically and seriously instead of dabbling in them casually.


I would stay away from love relationships until I could create the life I wanted for myself, instead of putting so much importance on having someone love me that I lost myself in a long series bad relationships.

And finally…


I would win the lottery multiple times! Cause if I am getting a do over, knowing what I know now, then I would also know what the winning numbers were.

Sometimes it’s fun to think about hypotheticals. They give you an insight into what might still be possible and let you re-think your priorities.

12 thoughts on “If

  1. I like this reflection.

    I was lucky from an earlier age not to care about what the group thought about me. I learnt either way someone was going to talk bad and decided I was either going to be the reason for the existence of the group or I will be my majority and it has worked pretty well.

  2. Yes, there are situations and people I would avoid if I where to re-live my life.
    AND, of course, there is also people and situations that I would actively seek out.
    Like the spanish girl in the crowd, at a catholic mass in Spain. I didn’t have the nerve to go up to her and talk (I was 13) so I’ll never know who she was.
    We had eye contact for minutes and now she’s gone.

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