But what if you’re an asshole?


Bill Cosby had this great joke (the only one in which he used profanity). He asked someone what was so great about using cocaine, the person replied it enhances your personality. His response was , but what it you’re an asshole?

I have always loved this joke. The punch line, for me, now becomes the question I ask when someone dies, and people begin to canonize him/her without merit. For example Amy Winehouse was a very talented singer with a unique voice and I am sure she is missed by her family and friends, but let’s get real. Was anyone really that shocked when she died? The way she lived her life, it was like she was begging for death.

Then there’s Michael Jackson, another very talented singer, dancer and performer. His childhood was far less than perfect. He grew into someone who used drugs as a crutch for his issues instead of facing them with strength and moving past them (which I would have actually admired). But now our hearts are supposed to bleed because he was to weak natured to overcome his demons.

Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley are examples of the very same behavior. I still don’t understand the fascination we have with the emotionally weak and famous. Fewer people mourned the passing of Mother Theresa and Gandhi, people who actually turned their, much worse, situations into wonderful acts of strength and kindness.

Could it be because these celebrities died young(er) that society sees it as so tragic? Or is it that we love to see this in a morbid, Schadenfreude kind of way? If we can’t be famous, then fame and happiness shouldn’t be allowed to coexist, so we are secretly celebrating the passing of these celebrities because it serves them right for pissing away the opportunity that we would sell our soul to have knock on our door?

I get the impulse to celebrate someone’s life after they die, but let’s actually celebrate the WHOLE PERSON. Warts and all. After all, the sooner we can collectively embrace our humanity the better off we will be as a society. It’s easier to change something when you stop making excuses and see it for what it really is.

People who say…


First, a confession. I watch way too much reality television. I am addicted to the real estate shows on HGTV as well as Tabatha’s Salon Takeover on Bravo.

The following is a short list of some of the things I hear far too much while viewing my guilty pleasure television shows. These sayings really get the wind up my skirt.

  1. On accident. Besides being grammatically incorrect (the correct versions being, by accident or accidentally) it just sounds awkward and unnatural.
  2. Check it out. If I have to hear let’s go check out the backyard (or bedroom or kitchen or insert any other noun you can think of) one more time, I’ll scream. Can’t people think of any other way to say this, like, oh I don’t know, “Let’s go see, look at, inspect , analyze, investigate, look over, scout out, scrutinize or appraise?”
  3. Step it up, or just Step up is another overused phrase that is grating my last nerve. It is most overused in the aforementioned Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, by none other than Tabatha, herself. This puts the wind up my skirt mostly because she’s usually quite articulate and this phrase just brings her down an unnecessary peg .  There are many other, more intelligent, ways to say this. I hear this phrase overused in the media all the time, but Tabatha takes to another level, so much so, that my friends and I even made a drinking game out of it, but had to stop because we were all becoming alcoholics. I dare you to watch an episode and drink every time she says STEP UP. I guarantee you won’t be able to walk to the bathroom to vomit by the end of the hour.

I weep for the future of the English language via the dumbing down of society. If you want to watch a great movie that’s funny because it’s true, that also illustrates my point perfectly, I highly recommend you “check out” Idiocracy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/).