What motivates you?
But I am still here. 9 years post massive stroke, and I’m not where I want to be in terms of physical recovery. I still can’t walk around the block or even across the street. But I can walk with the aid of my leg brace, AFO, and the railing in the hallway, depressing as it may be. It’s depressing to me because I don’t want to be seen in real time, doing it. I hate it when people “cheer me on ” it feels patronizing, and I don’t like being talked about or to like I’m a child. After all, I’m going to be 60 in less than a year. And even though I’ve had brain damage, I’m still a highly intelligent woman who knows what I’m capable of and what I’m not. I don’t believe in miracles, and I don’t require ‘comfort ‘ in that way. I’ve been pretty clear that I’m an atheist, why people still insist on coming at me with hope that something will magically heal me, I don’t understand. It’s just insulting to my intelligence.
Even though my paralysis is permanent, it doesn’t mean that I have no room to improve. After all, I recently achieved the capability to balance while standing without a brace or cane or anything else, and I’m working to improve how long I can do that.
So I guess what motivates me is that I don’t think I’m done yet and I’m persistent. I just want to achieve whatever physical recovery I can regardless of what the inoperable piece of tumor in my brain has to say about it, without bursting any more of the aneurysms that are still in my brain. It’s a very fine line I’m on, but if I’m careful, and patient might just be able to succeed.