Over the past few days, I’ve been following the story of Luke Perry and the massive stroke he suffered . His death was announced less than an hour ago. The first word that came out of my mouth was, “lucky “. Why is he the lucky one? I hear you ask. Well from my perspective, anyone who has a massive stroke and dies within days is lucky. Lucky not to have to wake up in pain every day. Lucky not to have to be fed from a tube for more than a month. Lucky not to have to learn to swallow again as spittle drools uncontrollaby from the affected side of his mouth. Lucky not to have to have 2 nurses change his diaper multiple times a day. Lucky not to have to try desperately to move a muscle, any muscle with no response for months. Lucky not to have to spend years learning to walk again. It’s been almost 4 years and I still have to use a quad cane and calling what I do walking is still rather generous. My stroke took from me all of the things in life that I took pleasure in. I used to walk to anywhere I needed to go. I used to dance, when I say this I mean from the age of 4, I took classes in ballet, then later also tap and jazz dance classes. My entire life there has been dance. If you’ve been following this blog, you can know that for the past year or so I’ve found that the stroke still has new ways of affecting me via 6 aneurysms currently growing in my brain which have been caused vision problems, making my love of reading almost impossible, and updating this blog a much lengthier and frustrating process. I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy what I’ve been dealing with since my stroke occurred in August of 2015. Let alone what my husband and parents have had to deal with. It takes a great deal of inner strength to go through what I’ve been through and if you are not strong enough to live through it you are better off dead.
It would be facetious to offer some pithy sort of platitude, so I won’t.
I can well imagine how you feel at times while not knowing at all how you feel.
Though I’m guessing you probably spend more time than most thinking what the fuck! .
🙂
Right on the money!
I guess we’ll just carry on with our occasional internet chats.
So … otherwise , apart from all of the above …. how are you doing?
😉
A bit less strong today than most days. But overall just killing time before time kills me.
I guess I will just go with Ark
My goodness. Thought provoking. I might be one of those better off dead. Dealing with chronic illness/pain and a boat-load of emotional trauma left-over from the good ol’ days, I’m not sure I have the energy to bother to try and live under these circumstances. I’m considered strong. I tend to think I was, but now? Not so sure. I cared for many stroke patients as a nurse. My first full-bed bath (read- including male gonads) was an 84 year old man who’d had a stroke. I tried to quit nursing that day. Seriously. I turned and walked out of the room, found my instructor and said, “I quit. I’m going home. I don’t want to be a nurse.”
You are strong. And I’m glad somehow or other I found you via Ark I think. And, everything he said, like mak too, I’ll follow.
What the fuck! <3