I don’t believe it

IMG_20150817_102956I was truly horrified to receive the following message in response to my different strokes post. the lack of respect for who i am was uncalled for. They wrote, it must be hard knowing when it was just you and god, you prayed.

People like this ar constantly accusing atheists of death-bed conversions. Remember the idiots after Christopher Hitchens died?

This post is for those people and it will be brutally honest.

The night before open heart surgery was the most afraid I have ever been. There were moments of tremendous lonliness.That night my fiance  (also an atheist) slept in my room all night. it was a comfort to hear the snoring. My mind was racing.What if I don’t wake up was the question that kept coming back. The answer inevitably was, then it will have been peaceful.

Never did I even think about wasting one second by silently calling out for an imaginary friend. i had an actual friend there if I needed.

So, on this blasphemy/sacrilege Sunday, I will state unequivocably that I am still an atheist, not a foxhole or a deathbed atheist, just a person who doesn’t believe crap made up to keep the poor from killing the rich. I will never follow without questioning. and I will never be so stupid as to buy into a story where a virgin gives birth.(that’s her story and she really stuck to it)

Sexiest man alive

Per my post on what makes a man sexy, he’s intelligent, witty, charismatic and dresses outside the box, but there is so much more. He listens to me and hears me. He is not afraid to be vulnerable. He really loves me and here is how I know it. I got my engagement ring after having a stroke and heart surgery. He has been at the hospital every day for over 5 weeks to be with me.He never once thought of leaving. He is taking medical leave from work when I am discharged so he can care for me. And all he wants in return is my love and affection and he has had that from date 2, two years ago  he is strong and gentle, sweet and loving and possesses the most beautiful heart.

and this is the man I will marry…


different strokes

20150910_193559It really has been a while. Here’s an update. I have had a run of bad luck lately. Most recently a heart tumour that caused me to have a rather large stroke. Apparently I am special as the tumour is somewhat rare it’s called an atrial myxoma  and the usual size for this type of tumour is 3  by 4cm mine was 4 cm by 3.5 inches!  Because of the stroke I had to wait 3 weeks for open heart surgery to remove the tumour. Very delicate balance apparently. I have now been in hospital for 5 weeks. Just about to start physio and neuro rehab to address the stroke I have little control over the left side of my body, can’t use my arms due to the heart surgery, but am so glad to be in my last 4 weeks here.

Some good news… I’m getting married next month! Hospital wedding, but we were able to make it happen! Want to see the engagement ring?

It’s a morganite stone just shy of 8 karats20150925_100113

What does the future of feminism look like?


The other day I saw a woman and her little girl looking through the window of a jewellery store. The girl, who couldn’t have been older than 5, was telling her Mom that someday she would own a ring like the one in the window. Her Mom then proceeded to tell her that she’d better marry a rich husband if she wanted that ring. The little girl simply said, “Oh I can be rich all by myself and someday I’ll be back here and I’ll buy that ring just for me”.

The future of feminism? If this little girl is any indication, looks pretty good to me.

Girls are strong

How young is too young?


Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden. Age difference- 35 years.

One of the things I like most about working in a hotel environment is that I get to meet a wide variety of people. I while back, I met an 80 year old woman named Cindy. Cindy was one of the original Las Vegas show girls. She still looked very glamorous and her skin had this lovely glow. When I commented to her on her youthful aura she whispered her secret for staying young at heart, “Younger men and horizontal exercise”. It seems Cindy is married to a man 25 years her junior and she couldn’t be happier. The feminist in me immediately fell a little bit in love with her.

Since that evening, my mind keeps wandering back to Cindy and her younger man. If Cindy were an 80 year old man married to a 55 year old woman, I would immediately leap to certain conclusions like she’s with him for his money. Yet, when Cindy told me about her 55 year old husband I thought, good for her. Yes, I realize that I am perpetuating a double standard. That’s the thing about growing up feminist, sometimes I excuse behavior in women that I would judge when exhibited by a man.

Madonna and her 24 year old beau Brahim enjoy an intimate dinner out at The Colombe D'Or  at Eden Roc in France

Madonna and Brahim Zaibat. Age difference- 29 years.

Us second wave feminists fought so hard trying to be treated as equal to men that we forgot one key thing… JUST BECAUSE MEN DO IT, DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been guilty of dating across generations. When I was 26, I dated a man who was 66 for a few months before realizing that, even though I am what they call an old soul who loved to listen to his stories of times gone by, we had very little in common. Recently, I went on a couple of dates with a man 11 years my junior (I’ll save you the math… he’s 37 and I am 48) and was surprized to find that we had a lot in common. He even got the vast majority of my references. I never understood those people (both male and female) who say that younger lovers make them feel younger. Honestly, this younger man does not make me feel younger. For some reason I see him as older than he is, until a look of puzzlement crosses his face when I reference the occasional old TV show or movie and then I quickly remember that I am the older one.

My current opinion on the subject of age differences in relationships is, as long as the younger person is a consenting adult who is not being coerced in any way, and both partners are happy, then it’s fine. But, I am curious as to what you think. How young is too young?

Another year older…

And no deeper in debt!


This month marks yet another birthday, my 48th so far. As this blog is dedicated to my Grandmother, I thought I would use the occasion to share with all of you the best advice she ever gave me. Many moons ago, when I was in my teen years, my Grandmother told me about the importance of staying out of debt. Her exact words were, “If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.” As my Grandmother was a successful woman in her own right, I took those words to heart and I am grateful to her for explaining to me what none of my teachers ever did… that debt can ruin your life. In this age of everything on credit, I am one of a very few who actually has no debt. No student loans, no car loan, no mortgage… I don’t even owe 20 bucks to a friend. The only debt I owe is to my Grandmother for her sage advice.

I never understood why, in high school where we are supposed to be preparing for life, there was no course about finances. That’s the kind of math all of us can actually use. There does seem to be a backlash to all of this credit/debt mess into which we have collectively gotten ourselves. People like Suze Orman and Gail Vaz Oxlade have made a very nice living teaching others what we should already know, how to get out and stay out of debt.


Perhaps parents should be teaching the next generation not to fall into the same traps as we did. Or even more importantly, get more involved with school curriculum and demand a class on money management. I have seen too many smart people lose everything because a bubble burst (housing, stock market, banks, internet companies etc.) You want your kids to be successful in life, so you make sure they get the best education that your credit score can afford, but send them out into the world entirely unprepared when it comes to handling all the money they will be making from that high paying job they will hopefully get with their fancy degree.


Last night on Real Time With Bill Maher, Mike Rowe (host of a show called Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel) was talking about how there are 3 million high paying jobs that companies are desperate to fill in the United States, but nobody wants to do them. This is systemic of another problem facing the next generation of kids today. The idea that everyone is special and that everyone can be rich and famous. Kids brought up on reality television have been bombarded with the message that the only way to succeed in life is to be on TV so they get student loans and pursue a liberal arts degree. Meanwhile, there is a severe shortage of plumbers, mechanics and other blue-collar workers who could be making real money (over $100,000/year) if they weren’t so concerned with being ordinary or getting a little dirty.

It’s important to remember that, everyone is not special… to be special by definition is to be distinguished or different from what is ordinary or usual. There is no shame in being ordinary. There is only shame in drowning in debt while waiting for the world to notice that you are special.

** Note, the links were not provided by me, but were automatically generated and I do not endorse them.



Can music save your mortal soul?

It was 1971 when musician Don McLean posed the above question in one of my all time favourite songs, American Pie. Now, while I don’t believe in all of that mortal soul stuff, I do think that music can really help a person through some tough times.


Don McLean

I met a young woman today named Sydney (I hope I spelled that correctly) who reminded me a lot of myself when I was her age (I am assuming she was in her mid-teens) She told me about several bands that she was into. She mentioned one, specifically called Escape the Fate that really helped her through a difficult bullying experience when she was in middle school.


Escape the Fate

I too, was horribly bullied through junior high and high school and I too, turned to music for solace. This beautiful girl came alive when she spoke about her favourite bands, and her plan to start her own band in the coming year. It seems Sydney is into what she calls the new metal. As a child of the 70’s, I was into the old metal bands like Judas Priest, ACDC and Led Zeppelin.

Led Zeppelin

Jimmy Page and Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin

 I listened with excitement as she told me about this ‘new metal’ and how the lyrics really inspired her. It was encouraging to hear that she had found something to help her out of a dark place, something that touched her deeply and allowed her to channel her anger and teenage angst. Just when I was thinking that the music world had been entirely taken over by the boy bands and the Disney brigade, along comes this gorgeous, intelligent and sensitive young woman to tell me that all is not lost. That the youth of today is creating actual music with lyrics that explore real emotions as opposed to the insipid Baby, baby, baby crap that has deluged the radio for far too long. It is my sincere hope that there is new musical revolution on the horizon, one that will dilute the posers of the world (I’m looking at you Justin Bieber) and start a new and meaningful conversation… and hopefully these new bands will actually play their own instruments as opposed to the computer generated beats and melodies that has been passing for music for far too long.

Thanks for the great conversation and Rock On Sydney!


Oh, and Sydney, if you’re reading this, I gave you the wrong email addy… it’s windupmyskirt1@aol.com (forgot the number 1)