You’re my favorite

Or favourite, as we spell it in the Great White North.

On twitter I spend most of my time giving out gold stars to my favourite tweets. I’d like to share some of them here. In order to get one of these coveted stars, for me, a tweet must fall into one of several categories…

Funny:

Kathy Griffin

@kathygriffinKathy Griffin
Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy cover leaked online this week – I hope 2 christ that’s the only part of her that’s leaking.
Dr. Twittenheimer

@DrTwittenheimerDr. Twittenheimer
What you say obviously contains many kernels of truth, but that’s only because they tend to pass through you undigested.
David Horton

@watermelon_manDavid Horton
If you have already named your baby and then find the name isn’t in the top ten most popular for year should you change it? Well, obviously!
D. Olly

@DaanandoD. Olly
If current trends continue, you’re all going to die! :(
Michael Fricano

@Lucid_SinMichael Fricano
I’m thinking of making a mistletoe belt for Xmas.
SimonNRicketts

@SimonNRickettsSimonNRicketts
I just rang Alcohol Concern. Told them I was worried I didn’t have enough beer in the fridge. They’re quite rude, aren’t they?
Ricky Gervais

@rickygervaisRicky Gervais
Karl asked me once if the presents the 3 wise men gave the baby Jesus were for his birthday or christmas.
Bad Taste Jokes™ 

@BadTasteJokesBad Taste Jokes™ 
Amnesia patients. Who do you think you are?
Jimmy Carr

@jimmycarrJimmy Carr
Apparently home vajazzle kits will be very popular this Christmas. Good to know, I was just going to get my nan a cardigan
wheatnik

@wheatnikwheatnik
“I wanna rock right now!”– Overzealous geologist.
Denis Leary

@denislearyDenis Leary
Hangover pill. Does it cure everything or do we need separate pills for the shame, guilt and STDs?
serialmatrix

@serialmatrixserialmatrix
My new party trick is to swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together…Seriously. I shit you knot.
Jesus Christ

@Jesus_M_ChristJesus Christ
You’d be surprised how “accidentally” drowning a baby really cuts down on people asking you to baptize them. Looking at you John.
serialmatrix

@serialmatrixserialmatrix
I think it’s safe to say Schrödinger was probably a dog person.
Chelsea Handler

@chelseahandlerChelsea Handler
Listen up! I have nothing to say.
True:
MoronWatch

@moronwatchMoronWatch
Morons tell me we can’t cut “defence” spending because it supports millions of jobs. On that basis, child prostitution would be a good idea
Whenever a theist accuses me of ‘believing in nothing’ I simply laugh, because they too believe in nothing, they just don’t realize it.
DC Debbie

@DCdebbieDC Debbie
American society applauds sexually active men no matter what the age (Viagra) and punishes women–especially when practicing responsible sex
Amanda ♥

@MinouChatteAmanda ♥
Kids can pray in school…it’s what the moment of silence is for…but schools can’t dictate everyone follow Christianity!
Ben C. O. Grimm ✔✔

@BenCOGrimmBen C. O. Grimm ✔✔
Seeing #atheism as a movement, with rules, leaders, and world domination as its goal, mirrors a typically narrow religious world view.
Nelliot Spitzer :)

@HarrietThugmanNelliot Spitzer :)
Every gay person should call in gay for work at least once a month. Hey, its a fucking “sickness”, right?
Christian groups don’t seem to realise that they promote pornography/explicit content on TV channels by publicly complaining about it
Dear Kim Kardashian, Your entire wedding could have paid for my college education for 25465 years….
To deny true & historical realities of poverty, unemployment and incarceration rates for the African American population… That’s racism!
Feminist:
ThankYou JKRowling

@Ms_UK_AmericanThankYou JKRowling
The day ProLife takes back saying women who are raped are damaged goods I’ll take them seriously
The name-calling says more about the person’s attitude and gender bias toward sex than anything else. Only women are sluts. Really.
eeeegads

@eeeegadseeeegads
Saying women are unqualified to make her own reproductive choices, but she is qualified to be parent/incubator. Hypocrisy
Mrs. Christ

@JesusWifeMrs. Christ
My hubby thinks it’s hilarious to say to me, “Onward, ho!” I think it would be hilarious to make him sleep on the couch.
taslima nasreen

@taslimanasreentaslima nasreen
Female Genital Mutilation is practiced among Bohra Muslims in parts of India & Pakistan. FGM is torture, not culture. Ban #FGM.
Atheist:
Don T. Givaphuk

@NostradamnisuckDon T. Givaphuk
Bible once was used to persecute witches and Negroes. Fortunately, women and black people fought for rights. Now Atheists remain to target.
Rosa Rubicondior

@RosaRubicondiorRosa Rubicondior
The Holy Bible. Providing an excuse for hatred and persecution for nearly 2000 years.
When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. ~ Frank Sinatra
Religious Critic

@religiouscriticReligious Critic
“‘There are no atheists in foxholes’ isn’t an argument against atheism, it’s an argument against foxholes.” – James Morrow
Black Rabbit of Inle

@NullGodPointerBlack Rabbit of Inle
Think bible had perfect moral truth? Would you want your daughter to have to marry her rapist?
Augustus

Prayer has no place in reality.
NietzscheQuotes

@NietzscheQuotesNietzscheQuotes
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
Rachel Haywire

@RachelHaywireRachel Haywire
We seek a future where freethinking artists and published philosophers sit in the same room and have the best conversations of their lives.
Religious Critic

@religiouscriticReligious Critic
“Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain and presumptuous desire for a second one.” ~ Richard Dawkins
A big thank you to all of you who make the hours I spend on Twitter so much fun and so addictive.

One response to “You’re my favorite

  1. I wish you would have picked a better Chelsea Handler quote, that one really bothered me for some reason…

    I like many of your choices, but I have to admit, the atheists are wearing on me. I grow tired of the rehashing of the same old arguments again and again. I just don’t find beating a dead horse interesting. The same goes for baiting the christians, I just don’t see the point.

    You were one of the first that followed me/ I followed on the tweety and you’re still one of my favourites. (Maybe my favourite, but that sounds corny, so I’m not going to say that)

    @xWoriorPoetx

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